(Graduation photos done by Seneca W.)
It's been a while since I've written on here. Actually, we're in a whole new year and this is your first time seeing me in ages. I mean, I have an excuse...Have you seen how crazy 2020 has been and we're only in JULY?
Honestly, from New Year's Day up until now, I've been trying to keep my head above water. Between an escalated pandemic, extremely overt racism, and taking 20 credits while interning in my final semester at Howard, I can truly say I've seen enough for a year.
"It was all a dream."
If you would've told me March 11, 2020 that I wouldn't be walking across the stage to grab my degree from my now alma mater, I would've laughed in your face.
Don't get me wrong, I knew the coronavirus was alive and well during this time. As a journalism major, it was required of me to constantly know what's going on in the news for my classes--especially my capstone class. I understood the severity of the virus, but it was more than a surprise of what would result after March 11, 2020.
By this time, I remember seeing other universities beginning to issue statements in regards to shutting down their campuses for two extra weeks after spring break. I remember waiting for Howard to let us know what their decision was going to be for us. As a college student, the brewing pandemic threat was both a blessing and a curse. Who wouldn't want to be out of school for an extra two weeks post spring break? That meant no schoolwork, just vibes with my friends and more sleep (The 20 credits and extracurriculars were killing me y'all! I do not recommend and I blame my freshman year advisor to this day).
The minute that I received the news that Howard University would be moving their classes to online, I naively jumped for joy knowing I didn't have to travel to campus anymore to go to class and back. Looking back, that was very silly of me; it was even more silly of me that I took my last few moments of undergrad for granted. I didn't get a chance to do any of the fun stuff with my friends that I wanted to do. I didn't get my undergraduate wild spring break experience. A lot of my aspirations became deferred. All I had to show for my senior year was my work, which isn't necessarily bad. If I knew what I knew now on March 11, 2020, I would've partied extra hard because my days in undergrad were over and done for after that day.
The transition from in-person instruction to online classes wasn't the easiest either. With all that extra time on my hands, I would forget about my classes. It was way more of a challenge making it to class online as opposed to in-person. I lacked the motivation to get my work done and do a quality job, only because there wasn't much to look forward to about graduating without a graduation.
The early ending of the semester made me extra pessimistic about my schoolwork as well as my career. I didn't have a full-time offer secured prior to my graduation, and being in a pandemic makes it even harder with all these corporations either on a hiring freeze and/or offering internal promotions into the positions I applied for.
The only question I could ask myself is, "What the hell am I supposed to do now?"
The Virtual "Graduation" (That Nobody Asked For?)
Fast forwarding to about a month later, I was nearing the end of my classes. I turned my failing class into a passing one and I had (almost) made a 4.0 semester. In the midst of this crazy pandemic, I managed to maintain my eligibility to graduate.
The feeling of graduating was--and still is--bittersweet. I truly feel like the coronavirus robbed me of my final semester at Howard. It was just a week before Howard's closure that I had been sitting on the yard with my friends watching other people dance, laugh, and smoke their stressful days away. I spent a lot of those moments on the yard thinking about how much I would miss undergrad. I wasn't the same girl that left Brooklyn four years ago, and I knew that there's no place in this world that could hold a candle to my beloved HBCU. Those are the days that I could never get back.
The moment I wish I could've had was my chance to walk at my graduation. With Howard pushing our in-person commencement ceremony back to May 2021, I was nowhere near excited for the virtual ceremony put in place for communication majors in the School of Communications. If you ask me, the virtual commencement ceremonies were cheap and rushed. They did not call our names one-by-one, people had their names spelled wrong, and don't get me started on the God-forsaken WiFi on campus. The Class of 2020 was already a small and underappreciated class due to the losses of our classmates to the evil financial aid office, but we at least deserved a better ceremony.
The worst part is, my class is expected to be graduating with our senior successors, the class of 2021 next spring. As much as I am still appreciative to have an in-person graduation post-coronavirus, it would still be nice to be able to have that moment on time rather than later...
...But on the bright side, your girl got her degree in the mail! I am an alumna of THE Howard University.
Now What?
If you're anything like me, you don't know where you're supposed to be right now. You don't feel motivated and feel discouraged due to the pandemic. You are also in a battle with your beliefs right now as both racism and the workforce are becoming more and more overt. At this point, what do you do with yourself?
I realized a lot during this pandemic and my fears is one. We are often conditioned by our peers and our professors that we must have a full-time offer and have everything figured out by graduation. I always believed I would have everything secured by the time I graduated, and that is just not the case. Everybody's marathon is different, and that's something that you must keep in mind when you are feeling that post-graduate depression. It doesn't mean you're less qualified than the next person. That rejection from your dream company is only a temporary pain.
During this pandemic, take the time to learn new skills. Rediscover the things you love. Hell, even re-evaluate your field. Apply for the things you may think is out of your league. This pandemic is a pause that may be well needed for your development. Accountability, self-love, and honesty is needed at a high frequency at this time. You must operate with care during this time.
I'm still figuring this thing called life out, especially being a recent graduate. I don't have all the answers. I don't know everything, but I do know that this feeling is only as temporary as one allows it to be.
So shout out to class of 2020! Congratulations to us. I believe in us. We got this.
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